An Orphan

His hands are trembling as he is holding the baby of 5 days with difficulty but making sure not to drop the baby as he moves forward dragging his feet against the rough surface on the sidewalk making sure to hide the baby inside the cloth draped on him so no one could see what he is holding on his hands on 3 am at night. He could hear the sound of dogs barking far away and shadows of junkies as he tries to pass by them quietly and head towards his destination.

The tears are streaming down his face as he’s trying to control the sob that’s trying to break through his body but couldn’t stop himself as he sobs trying to muffle the sounds so the few shadows lurking in the dark at the corner of street couldn’t hear or detect him.He finally reaches there and could see the wooden cot beside the closed door of the orphanage.

He can still remember that day just 5 days ago now it’s like it’s been years since then, the day where his beautiful wife died giving birth to her daughter, she died because of him she was too weak at that time and because he couldn’t provide her proper meals a day just because he was unable to take care of her. It’s his fault  that her wife died and after that left this beautiful angel all to himself to take care of. It was difficult to come out of that grief but he has come to his senses to take care of the only thing left behind of her wife, his daughter. As days passed he still couldn’t make money out of the multiple jobs he does from polishing shoes of others to lifting heavy carts he still couldn’t make much to buy those costly powder milk for her daughter and as he has to go for job he has to take her with him because it was too risky to leave her behind but the baby couldn’t stop crying because the only meal she got was cereal and water lots of water to drink but what she wanted was her mother so she couldn’t stop crying since days. He knew he can’t take care of her like this, he has to let her go she deserves much better life than this, a better future,a mother. He didn’t want to do this but he knows he has to for her, for her wife, he can’t lose her like he lost his wife.He weeps and sobs loudly because he’ll always be a monster to her daughter which he never wanted her to remember him like that.

Present.

His hands tremble while doing this horrendous thing to his own daughter but he knows he has to do this it’s the only choice he has.He knows it’s time to say goodbye as tears  are streaming  down his face as he showers her 5 days old daughter with kisses and holds her for dear life and remember or even engrave his mind from this feeling of holding his angel for one last time as he has to let go her now for forever, for her, for her future as she deserves better, better than she has now and puts her gently into the and cot and drapes a blanket on her with one last kiss on her forehead and walks away not looking behind as he knows he won’t be able to stop himself from breaking down. He walks away forgetting that the innocent baby needs nothing in this world more than her father’s love that that’s the only thing she’ll need to survive more than anything, nothing less nothing more and now this innocent life will live her life never knowing the real story of herself of her loving father and mother and will always live hating both of them because it’s them who made her an Orphan.

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A Brave Soul

I hear mommy calling my name as I am running around with my friends in the garden at front of my house.I stopped playing and went home with my little brother of 3 trailing behind me who was busy playing hide and seek with his little friends.”Yes mommy? We are home”  I said as I could smell something yummy. “I’m in the kitchen honey” momma replies.”mommy!! Are you making chocolate chip cookies?”, I ask while running straight into the kitchen.”Yes honey,but wash your hands first also help your brother washing hands”, she replies. After washing hands me and my brother sat on the stool while mommy served us my favourite chocolate chip cookies. As I was gobbling down my cookies momma started saying the same things she alway says after my little brother was born, “ honey, you are a big girl now almost 8 this year you have to look out for your brother,take care of him, see! again! there is cut on his finger, I’m sure it happened while he was playing outside and you weren’t even looking out for him,so take good care of him from now on okay?”,momma asked and I replied with yes mommy I will! While still paying less attention to her and more to my cookies.It was night time as mama and papa gave us our goodbye kiss and switched off the lights.

I closed my eyes and went to my dreamland of fairies and unicorns. BOOM…BOOM I woke up sweating and scared as I heard loud voices coming from outside the voice of bombs hitting houses, the whole house was shaking and I was so scared I screamed loudly mommy,daddy where are you I’m scared please stop this please!!  Suddenly a loud Boom came and I could see everything collapsing walls,floors and I screamed for mommy daddy but no one was coming to save me and  all I could see was dark after that.When I opened my eyes, I couldn’t see anything all I could see was darkness and I was scared that the monsters would come and eat me so I screamed mommy help me, I’m scared I promise I’ll be good girl from now on I won’t do anything bad I promise I even won’t steal cookies from the jar I promise mommy just save me mommy from the monsters, I cried loudly as all could feel was a huge weight above me like the whole house was above me as I could feel the dirt and big stones around me, crushing me. After sometimes I suddenly heard sounds of digging above me and a ray of sunshine was peeking from the hole and after that I could see a hand and after more digging someone  reaching for me and helping me out from beneath that big stones surrounding me. 

As I opened my eyes outside all I could see was stones, dirt around me and smoke coming out of different places and it was like everything was destroyed like there was never beautifully built houses there and I all I could hear was people screaming, crying for their family as I stood there for few seconds then started crying and running around to find my perfect house, the garden where me and brother played and most of all my momma, papa and my brother but all I could see was dirt everywhere and screams but as I moved forward I saw my momma and pappa lying around on the ground few steps away and my little brother grabbing mommas hand and shaking her trying to wake her up but she wasn’t answering back as I ran to them and started shaking them trying to wake them up momma,papa wake up! Wake up! Moma wake up! I’m so scared why aren’t you answering me momma! answer me momma what happened where is our home? Moma tell me? Please wake up! Please wake up! As me and my brother was crying trying to wake them up few people came and started carrying mama and pappa and put them inside big bags that they have in hospital I screamed and cried don’t take momma papa away please where are you taking them don’t take them away! A man stopped crouching down to my position and said your momma and papa is far away now they are with God now honey! Now you are a big girl, you have to take care of your brother okay?And they took them away.

As I sat there with dirty clothes with my brother sleeping on my lap I knew momma and papa will never come from now on, momma you said I’m a big girl now so I will show you I’m truly a big girl now momma papa don’t worry! I would take good care of my brother I know I’m not alone you both will always be with us,still mommy I’m really scared but I promised you I won’t let anything happen to him from now on and will take good care of him.I miss you momma papa!! I will fight! If I’ll have to save my brother from the world,I will! Because mommy I’m a fighter your fighter!

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Three Deaths of a Soul

​I watch my friends sitting on the corner table laughing at something the other one said and it also makes me smile, as they are enjoying their lunch. I forcefully push the wheels of the chair forward so I can reach their table with the lunch tray on my lap.On the way there I can see other students gazing at my 17 year old self as I walk by them, the expression that I hate the most in this world is clearly evident on their faces, pity.Pity for the girl who isn’t normal like them, the one who was perfectly fine few days before,one who could walk,run and do all the work normal people do. I was always a bubbly and happy girl before this accident a few days ago where I was walking on the street and a fast blur came suddenly which was the car with the drunk driver and hit me so hard that when I opened my eyes at the hospital for the first time it was tye most horrific feeling for me,I tried I really tried to feel something on my lower region but I couldn’t, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t even twich a finger on my legs then I came to know that I can’t stand anymore on my two feet for the rest of my life, I can’t run anymore and that was the most pathetic and helpless feeling I felt for myself,I wish and pray that no one, no one should ever go through that feeling again, I wish. It’s been few days since then and I am back in school and still am the happy and bubbly girl because no one can take my happiness away from me. But that feeling is decreasing day by day, the feeling of hope and happiness that everything will be alright, with their gazes which holds pity for me. As days passed the same people who were in my class, the same epeole who were in my school and were my friends started taking advantage of my helpless state and their expressions turned to loathing and they started bullying me just beacuse I couldn’t walk. But I didn’t tell my best friends,my family about it because I didn’t want to show this helpless side of me, I wanted to show everyone I am still the happy bubbly girl. 

The day when they pushed me to my utmost limit that day I couldn’t take it anymore, the day when I beacme the source of entertainment for them when they left me in the middle of the forest just tor their fun and I was laying there helpless without my wheelchair without any support while insects were crawling above me and I lay there helpless shouting for help but no one came. My friends found me after four hours but I wasn’t the same like before.

 That day something died inside me,something inside my soul, the cause of that was people around me they killed it, the first part of my soul, tye society killed the first part of my soul.

There are still two lives left of my soul so my soul is still alive,I still have my family with me and most importantly I have my self with me. so I haven’t lost hope.Society might have kilked a part of my soul but I still have hope my family and I myslef will not kill the other parts, I won’t let my soul die just like that because I am a fighter.

I believe that a soul has three lives, one life depends on society, the second life depends on family and close friends and the last life of soul depends on the person itself.

 One part dies when society fails it, the seconf part dies when the family fails it but the most important and last string which is holding the persons soul from dying is when the person itself stops believing in himself or herself than that is the day that perosn dies from inside,t he person who becomes blind to the unjust happening in front of his eyes nd walks away just like that because society did the same to that person,society killed that part of the person’s soul. Finally, the soul is dead after it’s three essential part dies and that person becomes a soulless person.That person is alive in front of others but dead from inside.

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The joy of simplicity

The beads of sweat is running down his face as the sun is glaring at his back but he continues on picking up cartons weighing like giant gorilla and puts them in the cart one by one until there isn’t any space left. He picks up with difficultly the heavy cart which weighs like 30 elephants are sitting on it instead of cartons  and moves forward with one only mission in mind, to reach the destination and unload the cart. He ignores the scorching heat of sun shining above his head and not letting it bother him or to get on his way of completing his task. The day comes to an end as his boss hands him the money, his hard work of the day and he heads home picking some fruits and a pair of shoes on his way with the little money he has, for his son as his previous pair got torn and worn out since he has been using it for four years. As he puts the first step inside home his lips stretch in to a brightest smile as he catches a glimpse of his son running towards him and pulls his son into a tight hug and tickles him as the kid couldn’t control the giggles and starts laughing hard. After an hour of their time together filled with their playing around and telling each other stories about their day he puts him off to bed and turn the lights off and can’t stop smiling as he sees his son hugging him tightly and not letting him go and that is all that makes him think how perfect his simple life is, he couldn’t wish for anything else because he has everything he has ever wished for, A happy and contented life: a perfect life.

A man fixes his tie as he walks out of his air conditioned office in to scorching hot sun and heads home in his expensive car. On the ride home he thinks about all the important work piled up for him tonight. He reaches home and quickly grabs something to eat before heading to the study room. While he is going through some papers he hears a knock on the door and asks the person to enter, his little 10 year old daughter heads inside and walks towards him, he asks, “honey, what’s the matter? I am busy right now” she says “daddy, see I a got star today on this drawing,the teacher said I am an artwist see daddy I am an artwist she says and starts jumping up and down” his headache starts building up with all the noise and tension of work so he says harshly, “ go to your mommy and show this to her,I have a lot of work to do” she stops jumping and frowns as all her happiness and joy is washed away and she tells him grumpily “ you are always busy daddy always, you never have time for us” and runs away after saying that. As he tries to sleep that night and thinks what went wrong? he has everything but still why isn’t his life perfect why?

We always look for perfect life in materialistic things the things which will bring happiness, that’s where we are wrong, the satisfaction and happiness comes from the simple and small thing in life , the small gestures, littles moments that’s where the true happiness lies, The secret of perfect life.

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Everything is perfect

As the little 11 year old me was sitting on a stool in front of the kitchen island watching the most beautiful woman of my life, my mother making pancakes for me. My father also came and sat beside me and we waited for her to finish, as we both gazed at her lovingly and thought how perfect our life was. Sometimes I would question myself, why was my life so perfect? What would I do if it was somehow taken away from me? And for that I prayed every night before going to sleep that my life should remain perfect as it was. As time passed, I could see the difference in my mothers health. She really tried to hide her weakness but I could clearly see that through her eyes, they didn’t shine the same way they used to wherever she smiled, something was clearly wrong with her. As I would try to ask my father he would always say ‘nothing is wrong dear, everything is perfect’, the same lines my mother would say. When I reached 6th grade my mothers condition had become worse, she couldn’t even get out of bed and I would ask my parents what’s wrong and they would reply the exact same line they used to before ‘nothing is wrong dear, everything is perfect’ but I secretly heard papa talking on the phone that night, and I heard that one  word which would change my entire life, ‘cancer’. My mama had cancer. The following morning, I told them  that I knew the truth as tears flowed down my face, I tried, I really tried to act brave as I was a  big boy now according to mama but I couldn’t control them as I saw the weak body of mama laying there in front of me fighting through the last stage of cancer still beautiful as always, and  I couldn’t do anything about it. I felt like the most helpless person as I just watched helplessly and couldn’t save the most beautiful and important person of my life battling through life and death and finally she gave up. I couldn’t ease the pain she felt, her screams of pain would echo through my head day and night as they had become part of my nightmares and they would remind me what a helpless and pathetic person I was. After that

,I could see my father trying to act tough in front of me by hiding his pain of losing her and at that time, I hated those words he always told me ‘nothing is wrong dear, everything is perfect’ because at that time nothing was perfect.  At that day I vowed to myself, I would not let any other child go through the same pain of losing his mother battling through cancer. And today after so many years, I stand proudly in front of mamas grave with a degree in my hand and papa beside me with a proud smile on his face  as I recall how finally all my hard work and effort has paid off and now I can save all those mothers out there battling through cancer and no child will have to go through the same pain of losing the most beautiful woman of their life. Mama, I am finally a big man now, I am a doctor now and I will try my best to save other people who have cancer mama. I always wished that what if I was big enough at that time so I could save you but you alway said ‘everything happens for a reason’ and now I understand why you always said those words ‘nothing is wrong dear, everything is perfect’ to tell me never to lose hope and to look at the things I still have and see how perfect my life is and it really is perfect mama.

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I am a fighter

When I opened my eyes in this world and can see the beautiful bright smiles of my mommy and daddy  as they held me delicately in their arms like I’m their most expensive jewel that will break even with a little scratch. Their love for me remained the same as days passed like I was the most beautiful blessing in their lives. As time passed, I could see the worries in their eyes as I reached my 2 and a half years of age and couldn’t walk or talk like a normal kid would do but they pushed it away as I was their whole world, ‘their prince’ so for them I was perfect the way I was. As I reached the age of 7, I can see their worries doubled,which they tried to hide but couldn’t hide so perfectly, as they knew their fears were becoming real. I don’t know why, but I would sit idle for hours and hope that other kids my age would come to me, play with me instead of giving me those weird looks like I wasn’t one of them and I would wait and wait but no one came to play with me.I also wanted to play, run and go to school like my brother but I couldn’t. Everytime I tried to put my  energy equal to a big giant bear to move my feet and walk let alone stand up but only my fingers would move a little and then all my energy would drain away just like an ice melting on a scorching heat of desert. Mommy I can see how strong you are everytime when some one tries to look at me with pity in their eyes and you would glare at them like a raging tigress trying to protect her pup from getting hurt. Even now it’s been 16 years and I am still the same but you still look at me the same loving way that you did the first time you saw me, how can you still love me so much mommy? when I have given you nothing but pain my entire life, I can clearly hear those sobs echoing through these walls every night when you go to sleep and try to hide those tears from me. I know how much it’s hurting you watching me like this, a helpless person. I know mommy you are just afraid what would become of me when you won’t be here for me but you don’t have to worry about me mommy, I just want you to take care of yourself for once and think about yourself for once, go out and have fun like other normal people would do, and forget about me for once and imagine how perfect your life would be without me. I know you think that your life is perfect because of me that’s why mommy I’m trying, I’m trying really hard to fight back with all my heart and soul to walk, talk and say those words magical words ‘mommy’ that you have been dying to hear since 16 years. I would fight back mommy,  Just for you and show you how much I love you because mommy I’m a fighter your fighter.

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A blessing or a curse

A girl of fourteen is busy on her laptop her younger sister beside her trying to persuade her sister to make barbie dresses with her like they used to before but ends up disappointed when she brushes her off.Then she hears the pitter patter sound and sprints off to the window and giggles as the drops of rain  tickle her cute little face and runs off to the backyard with her sister. The sound of their giggles and laughter can be heard from the distance as they chase each other in the heavy down pour forgetting they haven’t played since three years.
As the rain watches the scene in front and asks itself, Aren’t I a blessing?  who’s filling their memories book with happy memories.
The young boy of fifteen gazes at his school consisting of few chairs and a black board standing tall broken from the corners at the sidewalk of the main road and proudly  smiles one last time at His school before heading home.
On the way home thinking about coming up with different ways to arrange flowers so the more beautiful they will look the more people will buy them, thinking how his sister and mother would already have the baskets ready for him to sell.After walking about fifteen minutes he can see his home on the opposite side of the road on footpath with four metal sticks supporting the plastic rooftop which he and his father luckily found from the garbage container.Suddenly he hears a heavy rumble sound coming from the sky and the water falling down heavily like a warrior tearing apart everything on it’s way. He stands there in shock standing still in the same position as he was before as the water drenches him completely from head to toe but he cares less as he is watching his own home which he made with so much hard work and love with his family coming down piece by piece and the means of their earn. He watches helplessly as the flowers his mother had put in the basket getting mixed with dirt and going down the drain with rain water. His entire world, his precious home and their means of earning is being destroyed as he stands there vulnerable and defenceless. His tears mixing with the rain water gushes down his face as he cries harder at the irony that rain has to meddle with everything, even he can’t cry alone in peace.

As the rain watches the scene in front and asks itself, Aren’t I a curse? who is filling their memories book with sadness.

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