As the sunlight enters my room through the window, I hide my face with the pillow and start groaning by thinking about the same boring routine ahead. I finally wake up after much protest and perform the same ritual of showering, brushing teeth, getting ready having breakfast and heading to school. I cringe by even thinking about what is awaiting me at school like always. The same insults, curses, beatings by others because I am fat and I deserve this treatment I guess cuz I really am ugly. I can see myself in the side mirror of a car. A girl with the rough curly brown hair, wearing an oversized shirt to hide all those scars and beatings along with all that fat. All in all, an unattractive hideous girl of 17 is staring back at me.
I sometimes wonder what’s the purpose of my existence? why am I even living? Do I even deserve this treatment? All those curses and looks? why? Even my family is ashamed of me. So why am I even breathing? Because the only thing a person wants is, to be loved! That’s all. To be loved, by everyone or anyone. Just this want, to be loved, makes us want to live, to breath, to smile and most of all, this allows us to love ourselves and others.
This, being loved is the catalyst that breaths life into our souls or slowly and gradually takes it away from our souls. So, it makes it or breaks it.
Little by little, this catalyst surely is taking life away from me, day by day it’s waining, I can feel it. How I no longer feel the need to laugh, smile, talk and most of all it’s at the end. You know it’s the end, when you no longer want to love anyone and it surely is at last stage, when you stop loving yourself!
The moment this catalyst takes all the energy away from your soul, you no longer want to breath or even live. You’re just merely existing with outer layer breathing but totally dead from inside, just like me. And there comes a time when you want to end this also. End all of this. So that people around you will no longer feel ashamed, atleast you’ll be doing a favour to them by not existing.
But then, one morning this incident happened and it changed it all.Changed my entire life, for good.
One day as I was walking home from school.I saw a feet away on the road side, two childrens one boy and girl of 10 and 6 respectively. Their appearance unkempt with dirty clothes on and begging from strangers for money. As they saw an ice-cream stand a little far from them they ran at it. As they both stared at the icecream like it’s the only secret to their happiness. The boy started counting the few coins he had and bought one icecream since he didn’t have money to buy two and gave it to the little girl. After watching the whole scene, I went to them and bought one icecream and gave it to the boy and after that what happened, it changed my life. The boy and girl hugged me and said thankyou with this big goofy smiles and their faces gleaming with happines. I felt at that moment, the feeling of being loved by someone even for a moment. I was the reason for adding fuel to someones catalyst. They felt, they were being loved by someone, they felt hopeful just by this small gesture of mine.
After that I knew I was always looking at it the wrong way all along. I knew my catalyst was taking my life away and now I know how to bring it all back. Why not add the fuel to my catalyst by loving others? Why not give it to those who really need it, want it, whose catalysts are also taking their lives little by little. So why not add a fuel to their catalyst? You just have to look around, truly look around to find all those people. Believe me, there are many we just have to look. And you never know, by doing that your fuel might start increasing day by day and you’ll start loving yourself, and everyone will surely start loving you. Well , they always have, you were just looking it the wrong way.
So, let’s add fuel to everyone’s catalysts! Love others, you’ll automatically start loving yourself!! Life is beautiful, it’s just how you look at it!!